In the novel, I face my husband, who is two years older than her, wearing reading glasses and reading the newspaper every day. She really wants to talk to him, but everything she says will be taken as a chat by her husband. She lives in an apartment on the third floor and on the fourth floor. One is a single teacher, Liu, a famous old gentleman who loves children, and the other is a single mother, Zhang Yuxia, with a baby.
Zhang Yuxia is a professional woman, but in the novel, my husband and children suddenly stopped when her only child went to the United States to study. During the day, when her husband went to work, she lived alone in the apartment and was very lonely. She heard what happened in the apartment from the speed of her footsteps or the lock tone. For example, Zhang Yuxia’s lock tone turned faster and faster, and then the box fell into a great silence after an iron gate was hit hard. When a young boy came back, he would be as light as a cat, and his lock tone was very small, as if he didn’t want others to know that he had come back or gone.
In the novel, I analyze other people’s heart problems in the apartment, but I am in the greatest loneliness. When you live in the apartment, you will find that the apartment is very strange. You can judge from the sound, but it is a door.
We may not talk about each other early when we meet on the stairs because Karen is alienated in the apartment.
In the novel, I went through menopause and my husband didn’t like her very much. She tried to find a friend to associate with Zhang Yuxia. She met a doll and asked him what his last name was. He said his last name was Zhang. One day, when she met Zhang Yuxia, she called her Mrs. Zhang. Unexpectedly, Zhang Yuxia answered her and called me Zhang Yuxia. I am a single-parent doll with my last name now.
I was hit hard because in her generation, Lun didn’t have a single parent or a child with his mother’s surname. She didn’t know how to answer the question. She stood there on the spot. In the novel, Zhang Yuxia was a female post office worker in a small town in Taiwan Province. She met a boy who was a soldier in the town. When the boy left the town, she was pregnant, but she found that she didn’t even have the boy’s address. She found out that on the first day of enlistment, the boy said that the two years of military service were enough to talk about a love affair in this small town. After two years of love, it’s irrelevant that Zhang Yuxia gave birth to a doll in such a situation. In her only love experience, she was full of resentment, but she still raised the doll independently and gave it her surname.
This kind of ethics is the first person in the novel, but it has gradually taken shape among young women in the 1990 s, and it is even more common in Taiwan Province today. We will read in the newspaper that celebrities say that I am not married, but I want to have a child, so the new ethics has gradually been accepted.
But this is a very novel thing for me. When she went to bed that night, she couldn’t wait to tell her husband that Mrs. Zhang’s husband was not surnamed Zhang on the fourth floor. When she finished, her husband stared calmly from his reading glasses.
Then he said, despite so many things, he continued to read the newspaper without expression.
This makes me feel very frustrated. They talk less than ten sentences a day, and they may all be nosy, but this is her closest relative. Karen stipulates that they should sleep in the same bed at night, but they have no foreskin, including physical foreskin, including mind.
I think this is a quite common phenomenon. A bed is a ethics, which stipulates that we must live together, but there is no ethics to regulate what to do and what to do in this bed, that is, ethics but no substance.
I often cite three nouns to talk about this matter. We seldom hear the word sex and think it is ugly, but it is a very scientific name and an objective behavior record. The term sex is more accepted by modern people, as if it is not a scientific behavior but also an emotional mind. However, in my parents’ generation, they didn’t even dare to make love. They would say Dunlun.
When I was a child, I read in Hu Shi’s diary that once I didn’t know what Dunlun was, I ran to ask my mother what Dunlun was, and my mother answered my child’s question. I didn’t know until I grew up that Dunlun meant to have sex, Dunlun meant to have sex, and Dunlun meant to have sex, that is, this behavior was to have a child. Making love is not for pleasure, and it can’t be called animal cruelty.
It’s interesting that these three nouns refer to the same thing, but they are three kinds of ethics. Are you having sex or not? You have judged that this is ethics loneliness.
Lesson one: You have to find out what kind of life behavior you want to accomplish in a ethics, whether it is desire, happiness, animal ability or compliance with norms. You can subdivide and speculate on these three levels of differences, and you can determine your position in this huge foreskin of ethics.
Is Aaron a protection or a cage?
When I was so lonely in the novel that my husband always thought she was meddling in the apartment, one day she wanted to leave. She wondered why Zhang Yuxia could tell others so credibly that she was a single mother and I couldn’t. Since all the children have grown up, I can divorce and leave.
She walked to the corner and met the owner of the glasses shop. Her husband went to get glasses a few days ago and still quarreled in the shop. Did the owner of the glasses shop say goodbye to her? Oh, I walked home step by step. She found that she used to abide by Sharon and was recognized by a person in the alley. She didn’t know where to go. She was not alone at all.
When a middle-aged woman lives in an area for a period of time, she is no longer herself. She is also the wife of someone. When she meets someone on the road, she will be greeted by others, and she will ask her husband. She doesn’t know where to go. She has no relatives, no friends, and she doesn’t dare to go to a hotel. Her only possession is a key, a key at home.
Loneliness is a terrible thing for a person who is accustomed to ethics and norms, just like being in the vast sea. For this middle-aged woman, her greatest walk is to go to the corner and turn back. No one knows about this trip except her, and the owner of the glasses shop will not know about her thoughts of leaving.
This is the story of a friend of mine. Datong told me that she had a bad day with her husband and wanted to go, but she found no place to go on Zhongxiao East Road for a long time. I don’t think she really had a place to go, but she couldn’t confidently tell people that she could go because she didn’t believe her, because when a person disappeared for 30 or 40 years, I couldn’t get it back.
Many people ask me why this novel is written in the first person and is about a middle-aged woman. My idea is to be able to put myself in such a position. I am such a woman. What do I worry about? I am a person who leaves at any time. I can’t imagine that my mother has never done such a thing in her whole life, and she can’t even walk alone for a day. This is another dilemma.
She didn’t have a chance to look for me. We never dared to ask this question. If we ask our parents this question, I believe she will cry and she will be shocked.
I was born and lived abroad for a long time, and I come back every few years to visit my parents in central and southern China. His mother called him if she didn’t call him, complaining that his father loved gambling and used his savings to speculate in stocks. He remembered that his mother had been complaining about his father since he was a child. Later, when he went abroad and returned to China, he listened to his mother’s complaints, complaining until he cried and said that I couldn’t stand it and I couldn’t live with him anymore.
These words were repeated again and again until my friend couldn’t stand it, so he told his mother that I would take you to get a divorce the next day. My mother cried even harder and scolded him angrily. How can you say such a thing as an unfilial child?
This is the method of LUN pestering her, which combines the behavior of divorce with complaining, constantly complaining and turning complaining into a part of LUN. She agrees with the role of complaining, and she is willing to play this role in her lifetime. Don’t you see, the roles of mother-in-law and daughter-in-law in the TV play are also the same? This kind of plot always represents that the subconscious knot in Lun’s loneliness has always been there, and most of them are women
She will choose to cry and complain, she refuses to think, she thinks, she won’t cry, she will think about how to solve the problem, but she chooses to cry to show that she just wants to vent her emotions.
Loneliness is synonymous with walking from the norms of group categories. It takes honesty to me and great courage to go to the periphery of the masses and look back at the situation.
Today, if a woman says I’m not married, I don’t have a husband and a child. Besides the economy, she needs physical ability to do it. Taiwan Province is indeed in a transitional period. We can think when facing various phenomena, but we can’t draw conclusions so quickly. These questions will help us to clarify the lonely state of Karen.
Volume 6 Lun Loneliness 3
Missing heart
I, a middle-aged woman, went to the alley and went home again. She continued to listen to the keys of every house in the apartment.
When I was chatting in Zhang Yuxia, I noticed that she hated living on the fourth floor. Teacher Liu Zhang Yuxia said that he loved children very much. Alas, when my doll met him several times, he slowed down and smiled at the doll. But I still think that Teacher Liu is very strange, with a smell that is close to meat or vegetables slowly shrinking and turning yellow and dehydrated in winter.
After retiring from childhood, this single teacher Liu often picked up dolls thrown away by others in the garbage. Once he happened to meet the first person on the stairs, he showed me that the doll’s eyes would blink with a broken doll’s head. Teacher Liu often picked up some broken doll’s hands and feet and put them back in a black wooden cabinet, which would lead to frequent cases of missing children.
Missing is not necessarily a specific disappearance, but it may be a missing heart. You have seen a surreal scene in which the French surreal director Bounuel LuisBunuel is called LeFanedelalibere. The part where the child is missing is that the teacher called the roll in class and called AlieAlie, but the teacher said that she was missing. Ma informed her parents to come to school. Alie said that I was here, but her parents said shh, don’t talk, and then turned to ask the teacher how she disappeared.
Missing in the shadow becomes another phenomenon. In fact, people are here, but you think they are not.
For example, a couple who are physically separated from each other are lying in the same bed, but they are missing to each other. We always think that being kidnapped is missing, but you never care about a person, so that person is also missing to you.
The shadow inspired me to turn my disappearance into a state of mind, which means that the missing person has disappeared in other people’s hearts without any specific weight. A friend of mine is also a single mother. When the child was very young, she was busy with work and had a lot of evening entertainment. She didn’t spend much time with the child, so she let the child hang a string of keys. She was also very distressed about the child, but she couldn’t accompany her. She was worried that the child was kidnapped. When she came home every night, the child had finished her homework and was ready to sleep. She dragged the child to practice all kinds of kidnapping escape techniques together, and she performed wearing a At that time, I felt terrible, just as the army shocked education, but what shocked me even more was that parents in this city were so frightened by the kidnapping of children that they felt that the children were gone, but the children in front of her felt that she had disappeared.
The story of a friend turned into a novel in which a Zhang Yuxia baby doll was specially trained every night and lived on the third floor. I would hear all kinds of banging sounds every night.